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Formula One (F1) - and more...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Pearl

When i wrote this short story, i did not know whether to publish it or not. I was not very sure about it as i felt that this particular story was effusively sentimental. I sent it to a few friends who bear with my short stories and encourage me with their comments. And only since they felt that the story was good and should be published, i am publishing it. Thanks sangee,avi,pram,zillia & nanu.
--

I walked down the rocky path. The sun was going down behind a haze of orange-pink puff of clouds. The sodium-vapor lamps were already lit, though it still was not all that dark. It was as if we in America lived in a time of peace and prosperity when every other country on earth was having a shortage for anything and everything.Europe was mired in a war that transformed the picturesque Paris and a dozen other great cities into piles of concrete trailer-park trash. Russia, which looms large over the European Continent appears to be nothing more than a starved scare-crow, one which is likely to be torched by one Mr.Hitler and his minions. Asian countries are nothing but a reflection of their European owners. Africa, at the moment, seemed to have been blackened off the map of the world by Rommel and his troops. We in America were sitting safe and sound and concentrating on our own industrialization drive.

I reached my favorite wooden bench, which i identified by the tall coconut tree which stood behind it. It was a tough spot to get to, especially if you were forty plus and had not exercised any other muscle in your body except those in your fingers (for typewriting) in the last fifteen years. I came here not because i was fond of climbing rocks, but because it gave me a breath-taking view of the bluish-green sea that lay stretched-out in front of me and the nice breeze that blew and made the tender coconut trees sway slightly.

I stretched out and set down the books on one side and unpacked the ration of bread that i had obtained from the military canteen. It had been a long day. I work as an accountant with the American army. And the evenings, i spent in this wooden bench, reading my favorite auhtors - Milton and Homer. I was looking forward to another evening with two of English literature's greatest doyens. I was half way through the third volume of Paradise regained. Somehow i could enjoy this particular epic better in this location because the calm seas and the swaying coconuts made me think i was in paradise.

At first, i did not notice the small boy in grey formless overalls come and sit next to me. When he jumped on to the wooden bench, i gave him a sideways look and a quick smile and returned back to my tome. I did not know the racial classifications in this part of the world. So going by his appearance, i thought he must be a red-indian. And these were poor people, people who had not had the strength to defend their lands when the Americans decided to use the strategic advantage of these small islands. Japan, i was told, is pretty close to these islands. So perhaps these people were descendents of the Japanese. I opened Milton and read on.

The boy looked sheepish and started staring at the bread packet that was lying opened on my side. After a few minutes i saw the boy staring at it and motioned him to help himself. He stuck out a tiny hand and grabbed a large piece of bread. I returned back to my book. When i looked back at the boy after a couple of minutes, the large bread had dissapeared and small pieces of bread were clinging to the boy's chin. He continued to stare at the bread. I was amused at the look on the boy's face and ashamed at his hunger. A hunger that had been brought upon them by my ruthless countrymen on these unsuspecting fisher-folk. I signalled him to take the entire ration with him. The boy's eyes did not leave my face as his eyes began bulging out and his thin straight lips stretched into a wide smile. He lifted the bread along with the wrapper and folded it carefully and lifted it as if it were the crown jewels. All this while, the boy's eyes did not leave my face. His eyes were so expressive. By this time, i had laid Milton to rest and was admiring the young chap in front of me.

He walked a little down the path. I watched his tiny feet make dents in the sand. He stopped abruptly, turned his head backwards toward me and started smiling and shaking his head as if asking me to follow him. I stood up, collected my belongings, and followed him.The boy walked furiously for the next hour and a half. I did not know where i was going, nor did i know the way back. All i knew was that we were climbing upwards. This i knew because i started feeling cold and attributed it to the altitude. Neverthless i decided to follow him for reasons that i have not fathomed till date.

The boy reached the entrance of a small cave and dissapeared inside it. Unsure of whether to follow him or not, i entered the cave. I could hear some faint whimpering. I searched for the boy, my eyes now aquainted with the darkness that had loomed. I spotted the boy with the aid of the shiny silver foil in which his bread was wrapped. I put a hand on his small shoulder and he guided me somewhere into the cave.

My shoes touched something soft and i stepped back out of instinct. The whimpering was coming from right below me. I could not see anything and i was afraid to put my hand down and feel whatever it was. I searched inside my pocket and tookout a matchbox. It took me sometime to light the match stick as my hands were trembling and my drenched fingers could not clasp the thin match stick. Finally, i lit one.

I was taken aback. The whimpering creature was an extrodinarily tired looking red-indian woman, and a pregnant one at that. I staggered back for a moment and the match went off from wind that was blowing out of some opening in the cave. When i lit the matchstick again, the woman's eyes met mine. I could see the pain in her eyes. The small boy was trying to move a small rock underneath her head to use it as a pillow.

I searched my pocket again and found my lighter, which i must have found at the first instance. I quickly took off my coat and poured the little gasoline from the lighter on it. I then grabbed a stick that was lying nearby and tied my coat on it. Lighting it, i struck it in one of the cracks on the lime-stone wall. The pressure was showing in the woman's eyes. Her eyes. It struck me that this small boy must be her first-born. The hazel colored expressive eyes were like finger-print. I knelt down and touched the woman's forehead. It was burning. For a moment i wondered if i could lift her and take her to the army camp. But i dismissed the idea since i knew that the baby was almost on its way.

After an hour of intensive labor, the baby came. It was stark white. I was taken aback and quickly concluded that it must have been the expedition of one of those boys from the hill-camp regiment. I cleaned the baby with the litte water that was there in my leather bottle. The woman had passed out and her voice had died down. And so had my fire. But i was afraid. The baby had not made a single cry. I tried to breathe into its mouth, but i felt the coldness. I concluded that it must be dead. Even viewing a woman in labor is tiresome beyond words. I felt my body reaching for the ground in an awkward fall.

I didnot know what exactly made me wake up. Was it the distant boom that shook the hill or was it the sound of some young voice crying? I shuffled and saw the baby lying before me, kicking with life and crying out loud. I was delighted and reached for the baby when the second explosion rattled the hill. Then a third came and then they came in such torrid succession that i lost count. I rushed out of the cave with the baby in hand and reached a hole the size of a man. I was standing somewhere in an opening which oversaw the other side of the hill. Beyond these hills lay the vast American army, which for reasons i could hardlly fathom was now in a state of utter chaos. A jet with a large red dot zipped down and released a torpedo which tore the hull of a navy ship. The very ship had been my home for quite sometime now. The baby started to cry again.

I clasped my chest and started praying. I prayed long and hard and i cried as i prayed. I knew not whether i prayed for the infinite mercy God had shown in bringing back the child to life, or for the souls of my comrades who had died by the thousands or for my own stunning survival,the chances for which would have been null had i been in that navy ship.

I christened her Pearl.

12 Comments:

  • very touching story ...this reminds of the movie tears of the sun....a similar kind of scene will be there in the movie...
    forget abt the guy's survival ...the whole point which i want to talk abt is why the hell there is this status differece rather Racial discrimination ? why one shud be authortative over other when we all are humans ....
    juz becoz someone is underprevilged compared to u ...u cannot take advantage over them ...
    I will appreciate , if everyone reading this comes up with their own views .

    By Blogger Nandha, at 6:17 AM  

  • Thanks a lot. Both of you have come up with such interestingly differnt points of view. I looked at it in a slightly different way. In addition to the point that Red Indians were exploited, i tried to tell that genesis and death are a thin line of separation apart and that everything in life is uncertain. And in all this uncertainity, we try to cling to something which we perceive as definite and all-powerful and seek succour. And that is the philosophy behind "God".

    By Blogger Koushik V S, at 1:13 AM  

  • @Rums - Definitely u have a point ..Agreed . Not only Red indians ...half of the human race around the globe is going throught this kind of torture...

    @Kaushik - true da the whole life is uncertain ...juz by clinging to the past or what we think is powerful is utter insanity . Personally what i feel is all this religion and philosophy is leading the human race 2 nowhere ..or rather a dead end .

    By Blogger Nandha, at 9:25 AM  

  • Nice Read da.. Kou....

    Keep posting such stuffs and dont forget to lemme know....

    By Blogger Avinash, at 1:49 AM  

  • koushik,
    this story really moved me. i would not personally bother myself with the world at large and humanity and religion etc. but on a personal level i think this story conveys a lot.. the american could have not trusted the little boy and not followed him.. rather he did so... maybe that instinct and blind trust is what God's all about..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:02 AM  

  • lovely story.. very touching.. write one set in india ..sodium vapor lamps.. u seem smitten my them tho...

    By Blogger DiVa, at 11:19 PM  

  • Hey this is wonderful.... Glad to have discovered(for myself, that is!) your writing.....

    By Blogger Bhuvana Murali, at 12:44 AM  

  • Some criticism (which I hope you take constructively):

    1. Use situations and roles that you are familiar with, if you wish to write without research. Writing as an American, you use spellings, words and language style that no American would.

    2. Make sure you get your facts right, especially when including socio-political commentary.

    3. Do not treat the words you use lightly. Convince yourself that every word you use it exactly the one you intend. Take more care with grammar and style.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:41 AM  

  • Anonymous,

    I respect your comments. But I'd respect it more if you gave me specific instances of mistakes. Helps me gauge and mull.

    By Blogger Koushik V S, at 8:33 AM  

  • I'll try and help. Here are a few details, ordered to correspond to the numbering in my previous comment.

    1. It is important to recognize that the English spoken and written by Americans is very different from that used by the Britons or by Indians. So regarding the care needed to ensure a believable narration from the POV of a US Military accountant, the following are a few examples (with corrections in parentheses) of extremely atypical spelling or usage:
    (i)red-indian (Indian, or Native Indian)
    (ii) silver foil (aluminum foil)
    (iii) signalled (signaled - Americans do no repeat the final consonant when going from the root verb to its past tense)
    (iv) matchbox (matchbook)
    (v) American army (US Army)

    2. You really should spend a lot more time ensuring factual accuracy than it appears you have. A very good piece of prose can be completely marred by accidental trips to la-la-land. I'll point out a few different types of errors in this area.

    (i) [paragraph 1] "The sodium-vapor lamps were already lit". This is an anachronism; sodium vapor technology would not be invented until the 1970s.

    (ii) [paragraph 1] "a time of peace and prosperity...". Prosperity? Say that to the millions of people that were forced into abject poverty, homelessness and starvation during America's worst economic times - the Great Depression. What pulled America and much of Europe out of the Depression was wartime spending.

    (iii) [near the end] The US, to the best of my knowledge did not have an "army camp" in Pearl Harbor. They hade a Naval Base that hosed the Pacific Fleet. They also had some Airbases on the Hawaiian Islands but no Army Bases.

    3. And finally, it is good practise while writing to ask yourself, at every word or phrase that you pen, whether (a) you really want to talk about that thing, and (b) if that is exactly the word or phrase you want to use there. To understand this point better, consider the following excerpts from your story:

    (i) [nearly all of paragraph 4] Hawaii was not occupied for its "strategic advantages". Nor is Japan very close to Hawaii - in fact it's closer to India than to Hawaii. And the the native Hawaiians are not of Japanese ancestry. It seems as though you conjured these pictures up to support a broader point but failed to be sufficiently thoughtful about it.

    (ii) [paragraph 3] Surely you know that Homer is Greek (and that he wrote in Greek), yet you carelessly refer to him as a "doyen of English literature".

    (iii) [paragraph 10] "Lighting it, i struck it in one of the cracks on the lime-stone wall". Was it necessary to specify that the rock was limestone? Do you know what the odds are of a cave of sedimentary rock in a country that was created entirely by volcanic activity, and is all igneous? It is extremely distracting and achieves nothing towards language or plot development.

    (iv) [paragraph 5] "A hunger that had been brought upon them by my ruthless countrymen on these unsuspecting fisher-folk." That is a fragment, not a complete sentence.

    I'll stop there.

    I hope these comments are useful to you when you write again.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:53 PM  

  • Anonymous,

    Thank you for taking your time to respond and come up with your comments. I read my story over and over again on getting your comment.

    Your comments tell me a couple of things:

    1. My (so called) attention to detail needs more attention.
    2. I ought not to talk of things I don't know without doing proper research.
    3. Maybe I would ,should and could start working with more rigor, now that I have very informed readers!!

    Thanks,
    Koushik

    By Blogger Koushik V S, at 12:00 PM  

  • It is remarkable, it is rather valuable piece

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